I haven’t written in a few weeks, I just haven’t been able to face it. Fortunately for you reading this I won’t go into too much detail, that would be the longest post in history, but suffice to say it’s over for us.
In short from a low level HCG starting point we started scanning at about 6 weeks and over the course of a week we went from seeing our first ever embryo sac to the baby has stopped growing. There was a lot of painful back and forth in between with second opinions needed because people kept changing what they could see. I know they weren’t doing it on purpose but it was heartbreaking, especially when at the scan to confirm the miscarriage they said, ‘oh, I think it’s grown in the last 2 days’, this should have been great news but we knew it wasn’t really possible. I burst into tears, legs akimbo on the table, it wasn’t pretty.
This time I wanted to take control of the miscarriage though so took hormones to stop it happening naturally, I would have just been waiting for it to happen all over Christmas. But because it was Christmas I couldn’t have a procedure until the 4th of January, so I couldn’t even think about starting to move on until then.
I don’t think this is my most eloquent post, sorry. I just felt I needed to write something but I want to get it over with asap. Needless to say I’m still not in a great place. Last year I went straight back to work but not working this year is meaning facing up to how I’m feeling which is good and bad I guess. Lots to work through.
I haven’t read through this, I’m just going to press publish. I hope it’s not a complete disaster!