Post transfer blues

It seems ridiculous but I had the worst day on Monday. All should have been relatively positive but I was a mess. We had 1 Day 3 embryo transferred on the Sunday. It was a grade 4 – the best apparently – and the cells had been dividing nicely. We also had a further 5 embryos still developing with the plan to transfer another on Day 5. All good.

But.

I was a mess.

I encouraged my husband to go out as I was just bringing him down and all I needed was to feel guilty about that too. I watched the tv in my pjs. I finally got up the momentum to shower and start the day at about 1 and just when I thought I had turned a corner, from nowhere, I found myself thrown to the floor sobbing uncontrollably! It is actually a little embarrassing to go into the tantrum I had. By myself. Whilst managing to calm myself down for short periods I repeated this episode twice more before taking myself off to bed and listening to some calming music.

When my husband came home it was all I could do not to get worked up again but he really helped and we chilled out, doing a puzzle (rock and roll I know) and decided to have some comfort food, pizza, which I have been avoiding. I would definitely argue it was medicinal.

I shouldn’t be that surprised I guess. With all the drugs in my system and also swapping from the stims to the progesterone it’s going to have an affect. 

Several days later I’m still a bit up and down although feel a bit more under control. We had the second embryo put in on Day 6 in the end. Test day is the end of next week…

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We’re on

I’ve found it really hard to blog the last couple of weeks. It’s been a whirlwind of injections, early mornings, water, milk, protein. I guess it probably helps to break it down into chunks.  I’ll keep it fairly brief.

The go ahead
We got the ok the day after my last post. My FSH was borderline high but they were happy with my other levels which was great. I had already booked my next acupuncture appointment and looked for any which way to keep my stress levels down.  That day we got a bag full of meds, a lesson in how to use them all and I was booked in for a hysteroscopy the following day – an early morning, the first of many, a quick sedation and we were told everything looked ok, step one, done.

The blood tests
This is where the ARCG is so different from any other treatment I have experienced/heard of.  That Monday was the first of my early morning pilgrimages to Harley Street.  On the 5.59am train with lots of commuters.  Fortunately I’m a morning person, although I did miss not having a coffee – even a decaf.  I’ve been up there almost everyday since and have eaten lots of breakfasts on Marylebone High Street.  If you need a recommendation you know where to come!  Following the blood test they review the results and you get a call instructing you on which meds to take, which in my experience changed daily.  On average we’re talking 4 injections a day plus aspirin, some steroid tablets and a careful diet which includes 3 litres of water a day and 1 litre of milk.
Getting Close
We’re told that egg collection usually happens between Day 10 and 16 so as we were approaching day 10 we were getting excited.  On Friday, Day 7, I was told my trigger would likely be 3 to 4 days away.  With only 6 follicles I have to say I was a little disappointed – in my last cycle I got 14 eggs, but that didn’t work out so who’s counting really.  It only takes one.

The trigger
On Monday, Day 16, I was called back for any afternoon scan but the call I received later was just to amend my meds, no trigger.  That call came after my scan on Tuesday, finally!  It’s only a couple of weeks but feels like an eternity.

Egg Collection
I was first in and having been told I had 10 follicles they actually collected 11 eggs.  We received the call this morning that of the 11 eggs 8 were mature enough and of those 8, 6 fertilised.  A good number I feel but it doesn’t stop me worrying.  There’s nothing I can do other than wait now though, until tomorrow, or the next day or Tuesday if we get to Day 5 transfer.

There’s so much more I could write but I just don’t feel like going over it all at the moment.  Perhaps once it’s all done and dusted I’ll feel more comfortable going into more detail but right now I’m just bored with the whole thing, it’s literally taken over our lives.  That’s not meant to sound ungrateful, I’m happy to have devoted my time to it, I just don’t want to revisit it all again so soon.

So that’s me for now.  I will try to update more regularly over the next few days even if it is only quick snippets.

 

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

For the first time since I can remember I was really looking forward to getting my period. It was all we needed to go onto the next stage and get this done. I had a blood test on my ovulation day a little over a week ago and all was ok but my Follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) level was a little high, nothing to worry about although it did mean they didn’t want me to do the long protocol as anticipated, I’ve done that previously. The wait began.

This morning I woke at 1.41am (my clock is digital) and knew my period had started, yay! I waited for the clinic to open at 9am who told me to come in for my bloods. I came, I went, I waited – well I slept, Day 1 is always a bit like that. I got the call at 4.24pm. Again all was ok except the FSH level was still a little high, 10.5 and it should be 10 or lower. On my monitoring cycle it was 6. I asked if there was any reason and she said no although in some cases it can be increased by stress. What can I say, it’s a stressful time. I am no longer working but that took a while and wasn’t a particularly pleasant journey. My husband has changed jobs, again not quite as smooth a process as we might have hoped. Oh, and I’m at the ARGC having potentially my last round of IVF, my last chance possibly of having a baby ‘naturally’, and it’s costing us upward of £10,000. Not at all stressful.

I thought we were safe, I didn’t expect something like this to be a problem, I thought we were all systems go.

But again. We wait.

Fortunately only until tomorrow. I have to be there for 8.30am for bloods followed by a scan and then I guess they’ll tell us whether we can go ahead this cycle. I’m not sure what we’ll do if it’s not this cycle. Take their advice.

The alternative is waiting for the next cycle, not so bad, although that would mean egg collection etc over Christmas and I’m not sure they do that. I just have to wait until tomorrow but it’s so hard not to think about it.

I was so excited to be getting on with it, it’s just constant ups and downs it’s exhausting, but I know if you’re reading this you likely know that too, I just get it out by writing.

Sweet dreams all, it’s an early one for me tomorrow to get there in time. Fingers crossed for good news.

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